Internal Ineptitude

I just don't know how to feel. My insides are slowly killing me. They attack each other and drive me insane. I am getting to a decision, just quadruply checking that I am right. I have to be right. If I make a decision and then it's wrong, I don't think I will get over it. But I think I am there. But I don't know. But I do. Fuck.

Yes I do think that is the first time I have sworn on this blog. Quite impressive seeing as I have had this for over a year, if not two years. However I could be wrong. Yet this is not the point. The problem is that I have a big question tumbling around inside of my and the answer is always out of reach. It kills me that I don't have an answer, because I know what pain my indecision is causing. I hope I will recover from this, and I hope that everyone else does.

I am glad that I have good friends here to support me during this time. I never would have made it this long without my friends. They are all girls. Maybe I should extend my ring of trust to include some male friends.

Maybe next year.