What if?

These two words, put together, can be the most dangerous words in all of existence. They make you question everything and every action that you have done in your life. Every moment where you wish you could have done something differently, your brain says "what if?". And it is terrible. The pain of going through life thinking that everything could be so much differently than what it is at the current moment.

In my life, there are a heap of "what if" moments. They all sort of came rushing into my brain at once when a person in the car behind me, reminded me of someone. And it was horrible. There have been heaps, like what if I had worked up the confidence to talk to people when I was younger?And what if I was successful in convincing my parents to let me stay in Melbourne when they moved over?

There are other "what if" moments in my life, but these, I will not tell you, because they are going to remain as my own inner turmoil!

Love

It is a word that is thrown around by my generation. There are some people who use it with their friends, there are people who use it to random strangers on the street, there are those who use the word love when they are in a relationship with another person. Yet these are all different kinds of love, and people try to say that they are all the same.

My issue with the word, is how do you define love? Yeah there is the one where people say they all have their own definitions and other people say look in the dictionary.

When I look around there are a number of people that I know, who say that they love another person. I personally believe that some of them say it because they think that social constraints demand them to say they love another person.

It is a tricky situation at all times. All the time you see it on television, the one that first comes to mind is on The Big Bang Theory. Leonard says "I Love You" and Penny says "Thank You". Who wants to be put into that sort of a situation?

Many people despise the word, and there are other who love the word. People think it is great when someone proclaim's their love for another person and there are those who hate it when people even begin to bring up the word.

I personally don't know how I feel about the word love. It is an awkward word. It is a make or break word. Use it too soon, you're fucked. Use it too late, you're fucked. Really, for 90% of the time, if you use it, then you are fucked.

So make sure you use this word wisely!

Posting

What is the proper amount of posts per day. I mean, who has decided for all of us that we should post such an amount each day? I post roughly two posts a day and that is a lot of posting. When I take a peak at the Blogs of Note, they have a post once a day or maybe every couple of weeks. And if they are the Blogs of Note are they the standard which we are supposed to go by. I don't know and I am very confused.

Nevermind, I never really go with the norm anyway.

Because I am kool like that.

Shopping

It is quite an ordeal isn't it. Well for me it is. I mean, when I go out shopping I know what I want to get and I know how I want it. I am happy to browse but in general I go out to get what I want. But there is always one thing that gets in my way of getting what I want.

Shop assistants.

They are pure evil. They eye you as you enter the store and they watch your every movement, judging what you are looking at and waiting for the opportunity to come over and "help" you to make a purchase. Really they are wanting to be the one to sell you stuff so they get their commission and therefore they will try and "upgrade" your purchase, which at the same time upgrades the cost.

And they keep offering all this other stuff and when they do, for some reason, unknown to me, I feel bad if I don't accept it. It is like the feeling when a proper official says what is best, and you know that if you don't go with their suggestion, then you are off for the worse. I just wish that they could leave me alone and just look at all the stuff at my own pace. If I want their help then I will ask for them. I won't just look at stuff and hope that the answer shoots out at me.

My House

It annoys me! I was asked to hang out the washing so I went into the laundry to begin loading the washing from the machine into the basket. We have our dryer above the washing machine. I banged my head three times on the dryer trying to get the washing out of the machine.

Then when I came into my room to plug my power supply for laptop back in, I crawled under my desk and smacked my head into the desk.

If this keeps up, someone will die.

Stats

I had a look at my stats today, and I noticed that I actually have a couple of people who is looking at this blog. I don't know why they would be looking at this blog but they are. And I am very grateful for them looking.

It makes me feel a bit special they read this. It is probably only a one time thing, but at least people are reading this. No longer am I just talking to myself, but I am beginning to talk to some strangers on the internet who are being given a view into my life.

Right now I am watching You Don't Mess With The Zohan. It is so stupid that it is actually funny. To me at least. Most people think that it is very stupid and low class comedy with terrible racial stereotyping. Yet I will still laugh cause I have nothing better to do.

Tomorrow night I am going to my girlfriend's birthday party. Her birthday was a month ago yesterday. The party is delayed but she has it this late so that people can go and not be busy. Like me. It makes me feel very special and loved. But don't tell anyone I used the "l" word.

I will explain later.

Money

Someone give me around $65 now so I can re-new my Gold Live account and play Brotherhood online. And if you don't get the money to me in time, then I will need $88 so I can buy it. So thanks.

Hurry up though.

Blood Nose

I woke up this morning and just chilled a bit, turned on the telly to watch, I dunno, stuff. All of a sudden it feels like I am getting a runny nose. I grab a tissue to check and then I look to discover that the tissue is red. A blood nose. That is my wake up greeting.

Only recently has it dried up. It lasted a freaking half an hour. If it lasted any longer I probably would have passed out from loss of blood.

I hate my nose.

Dramamamamamamama

When ever I speak about my drama work, I tend to ad more "am". It has only happened lately, but I believe that it helps to show how creative and unusual I am. Actually I made a folder on my hotmail account for my drama work and kept typing the "a" and "m" keys. It is because I am amazing like that.

I am working on a play called "Hold Upon My Heart". I play a 17 year old boy who is going after a 31 year old woman. It is a lot of fun, but can also be quite intense sometimes. I really need to work on getting into character, and separating it from me. It can be really hard for me because I am only starting out as an actor and while there are some my age who can do this, I struggle. I am still developing this skill where as other skills I believe are furthermore developed and stronger.

I really do enjoy drama because it gives me the opportunity to experience new things and perform new and interesting characters. It is truly enjoyable. I am currently rehearsing a monologue from the play Rosencrantz and Guilderstern are Dead, which is based upon Hamlet. It is for an audition with ECU for a course I applied for. Drama and Secondary Education. It should be alright.

I'm keen because I like the monologue.

Mobile Phones

They are quite annoying, aren't they. Society deems that we must have a mobile phone, that we must have the latest mobile phone that can do the most amazing of things. If you don't well then you are just out of it completely and are not kool enough to keep up with the rest of the world. If you don't have a mobile phone, then you are out of the loop and you are deemed to be unsocial.

Then there are those unlucky one who have a mobile phone, like me. These phones make communication so easy and accessible that you get addicted to it. And it is this addiction that leads to a loss of money, time and effort.

But the worse of all, is that when you have a mobile on you, people are able to call you. I hate phone calls. It is extremely awkward. They can call you at any time, and you could be doing anything. You might even be trying to get out of the house. And then, what are they doing? They could be doing anything themselves on the other side of the phone. As the great Jeff Murdock from Coupling has once said "There could be old people naked"

It is rather embarrassing to be placed in the middle of someone else house or where ever they are. It can be quite daunting, especially for someone like me. I am a background man, I like to stay hidden from the attention of the world. So hence, I hate phone calls.

They just don't sit right with me.

Friends

Sometimes I forget it, but I have some really good friends. Like, they don't necessarily have to be people that I talk to all the time. But when I talk with them, it feels good. Even in the silly fights.

I don't know why, but I find it easy to forget that we are friends. It sucks, because there are also those moments when it is super awkward. One day I hope that I will be able to just chill with all my friends and be able to have fun. Except I can't do it with all of my friends in the same room. Because all of my friends do not get along with each other. It makes things annoying because I want to hang out with all of them at the same time. But it would end in disaster.

And then there are friends who I just can't hang out with solo. I think that with some of them I am really going to try to be a better friend. Because they are truly good people and they make me smile and laugh a lot.

They are amazing.

Brotherhood

I have completed it. All the hours of gameplay have led to me completing the game and discovering the ending. The ending was extremely intense and makes me sad because it was rather gripping. Except for some of it to make sense I need to complete Assassin's Creed 2.

It costs money however and I am lacking in money. And now Christmas is coming up. I think that this year I am going to go about presents in a much simpler fashion. They will be more meaningful. And less pricey. So I may appear to be stingy but hopefully that will be hidden behind the value and meaning of the gift.

My phone has already started to celebrated Christmas. My Mum called me today and I started to hear a Christmas carol. It was the phone. It started before our family has. I don't even have my Christmas tree out. It isn't even December.

I think my phone is a bit keen for Christmas.

Another Day

Today was a day of minimal posts.

But I have nearly finished Brotherhood so I will be back soon.

Oh Dear

I didn't make a post yesterday. Well I was a little busy yesterday and when I wasn't I was spending time with my family, so I though I should stay with them rather than make posts that not even I read after typing them out.

I have played more Brotherhood, and will be getting Gold Live soon so I can play online. I have rebuilt a lot, but it isn't an achievement, so that makes me sad I put in all the effort for nothing. But ah well, it is fun.

I also drove into Fremantle three times yesterday. Once to drop Daisy off, then to pick her up and then I went in to do some dramamamamamaing. When I talk about my acting stuff and use the "d" word, I tend to exaggerate a little with the spelling. But hey, i'm an actor.

What are you doing mysterious reader who has accidentally stumbled across this blog? I feel sorry you that you have to read this. My life isn't ALL that interesting, but it will do for me.

Sam

I miss her too.

My day today

I have spent majority of it playing Assassin's Creed Brotherhood. Which I love by the way. It is an intense and wicked game! However I have been playing it rather anally, trying to open up all the stores and stuff. This is because I thought there would be like a huge achievement for it or something.

Before dinner mum made me stop playing (I realised how long I had been playing for) and I came online and searched the achievements on Xbox 360 for Assassin's Creed. There was none. To be sure, it made me rather annoyed and upset, but it means I will just finish the game sooner.

Then I need to pay $88 so I can play online and win big time.

I'm keen.

Games

I want to play Assassin's Creed Brotherhood. But my 360 is now on the main family TV.

Why can't my mum just go to bed.

Nicole

She is my best friend. One of them. Up the top. She is amazing, but needs to look at herself number 1. Forget the rest, she is the best.

You know what i'm talking about!

Brotherhood

Today I came home from having a lovely chat and drive with Nicole to look at the answer machine and see the light blinking. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I was just unable to resist. I pressed play. And then I heard the beautiful words that my game was waiting for me at JB Hi-Fi. Life is amazing and I am happy. Though I would be ecstatic if my bloody live account was Gold and I could play online, but no, I still need to pay 88 bucks for that!

Whose out there?

I keep posting all this stuff, yet the only person that has the real possibility of reading this is Betty. I am still at this moment unsure why I post all this random crap about my life, maybe one day when I am famous, someone will put all these posts together into an amazing book about my life. But then when people read it they will realise how dull I am.

I like dull. Dull is kool.

That's right, I spell kool with a K.

Deal with it.

I miss James

That is all.

Tasmania

People say that it is the land of the inbreds. I have family there. But they weren't born there so I like to believe that it doesn't count so therefore they are not inbreds. However if they have children in Tasmania, then yes, they will be inbreds.

My Dad is going there tonight, to see his parents, because my Nana is having trouble with her internet and needs him to be there to fix it. I think it is just a lousy excuse to get Dad to go over to visit. Meh I don't really care but it means that I get to do more house work over the next few days. Yay for me *note the sarcasm*

On the weekend I have a workshop for a play that I am going to be in. I am a part of the creative process and working to create the play in its entirety.

My part of the show is playing a 17 year old boy who has a crush on a 31 year old woman, just wanting the kiss. The director wants to talk about the play in conjunction with my partner, the 31 year old woman. If she says that we are going to have to kiss, it is going to be awkward.

Very awkward.

Marlon Brando

He is the Godfather. He is amazing. He is one of the hardest people to understand as he only opens his mouth about 2 millimeters whenever he speaks.

If you are unable to pick up on it, today I watched The Godfather. And I might add it was the first time I had seen it. Needless to say humanity wasn't wrong, the movie was amazing.

I went round to Betty's house to watch the movie, because we had originally planned to watch all three, but in total they go for over 9 hours. Today I was unable to watch 9 hours of movies so we just watched the first one.

Before I say how amazing The Godfather is, I must first say Betty is a fail because she doesn't know who MARLON BRANDO IS!?!?!?!?!?! What is this...

But yes, the movie is amazing and it has me hooked. I cannot wait to see part 2, though from what I have heard, I can wait to see part 3.

I am now home and I just got off the phone with Grace and Emily. We had a little chat about life, I read them a story and we all laughed our heads off. They are currently in Sydney for the leavers experiencing the high lights the city has to offer. Really, I think they made a bad choice cause Melbourne is SOOO much better. However I may be a little biased.

I still don't have a copy of Assassins's Creed Brotherhood. It makes me sad, and I do so very much hope that on the day it is released, which is either tomorrow or Friday, I get a phone call saying that JB Hi-Fi is waiting with my copy.

Fingers crossed.

Literature

It was my subject at school and it has now officially finished. Even though class finished a couple of weeks ago and I did my last assessment, my final exam, yesterday morning. It wasn't over until now. I am home from my Lit Dinner at Sandrino's in Fremantle. I sat next to two of my best friends, who are completely awesome.

One beats me up and the other is an ex. But I love them all the same.

Tonight also marks the first night I have ever used one of those photo booths where you pay heaps and get your picture taken. The people I took the picture may not realise it, but it meant a lot to me, cause I never really do that kind of stuff. It is surprising that I felt comfortable with that group of people to do it, they are my usual crowd of friends. But now I have a picture to help me remember them.

It was a fun night and I am glad that I went, even if dinner was ho hum.

Assassin's Creed Brotherhood

People in America can play this game right now.

I can't.

It makes me sad.

Day One

Today marks my first day of freedom from the constraints of high school education. So far I have slept in till about 10, and I am now in the process of moving my computers and stuff into my room. I am now allowed my computer in my room as I have finished with high school. I just like saying I have finished high school a lot because it makes me feel good.

I got a call from my dad this morning. He commented that I wasn't really celebrating the fact I have finished. I think he was also encouraging me to go out and party.

I don't know, i'm just not the party type.

I have a loud voice

It simply cannot be helped. I have always had a loud birth, it is a part of me. So what I have is when I get told off for being loud. When I shout cause I get angry yes it is going to be very loud, because I have a loud voice naturally. Can people please get off my back about my voice!

One day, it will save lives!!

High School Education

For me it lasted from year 7 until year 12. It was six years and two schools in two different states. One of an all boys school and the other a co-ed school.

It let me become friends with heaps of people that I will never forget, and I will never let them forget me because they have been such a great influence in my life. I have learnt many different things from many different subjects and many different teachers.

But the most important aspect of my high school education.

It that it's over.

Final Exams

As of the moment I typed this, it is 10:24pm, Perth, Western Australia. Tomorrow I have to complete 2, 3 hour exams, one for Literature and one for Psychology.

The Literature exam involved analysing a given text and writing an essay on it, and then writing another 2 essays on some of the texts I studied this year. The Psychology exam is just answering some basic questions and maybe a tiny essay.

In less than 24 hours I will have finally completed my high school education, forever.

I'm keen.

Update: Reading Challenge

The Facebook list had 37 titles not on the BBC "The Big Read" list, which means my list goes from 100 to 134.

However there are also books on the updated list that I have already read:

1) Artemis fowl by Eoin Colfer

2) The Alchemist by Paul Coehlo

This means I have read 12 out of 134 books.

Book Challenge

So I saw this thing on Facebook blah blah blah and then a list of books and you see how many you had read. This list is from the BBC so I feel pretty proud of myself that before I am legally considered to be an adult, I have read 10/100.

That is 10% of the books.

I thought about making myself read all of the 100 books. And I am going to. But I also felt that it needed a cool name, like 100 books in 100 years (cause I can't read a book in a day or something) however I don't think that biologically have that long.

So I am just going to have this challenge that I need to complete. I won't post all hundred of the books but I will post the ten I have already read:

1) The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling (7 books only count as 1, wtf)

2) His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman

3) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

4) The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

5) The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon

6) The Lord of the Flies

7) The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon

8) Of Mice and Men by John Steinback

9) Hamlet by William Shakespeare (Though there is also a listing for ALL of Shakespeare's works, so I am confused)

10) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Ronald Dahl

I think it will take me a few years. I turn 18 in under a month, so maybe by the time I am 25, if I put a good effort in, I can have them all read. If i go in order of the books I have to read Pride and Prejudice.

This is going to be a long 7 years.

To study or not to study

That is the question.

Tomorrow I have my final Literature and Psychology exams

Wish me luck!

Resurrection

It has nearly been a complete year since I have posted on BlogSpot and I am sure that most of my followers (a grand total of 5) only 1 of them are still using this website :D

But I do not care about that because in all honesty, I need to commit to this. I have a lot of friends, but I need someone that I can talk to without being judged. Which is why I turn to the internet. Because when someone does try to judge me, it doesn't matter as I don't know them.

I also want to use this as a journal for next year as I travel around Europe, America and Costa Rica. Though there is be no internet in Costa Rica, so I will post about it when I get back into a country with internet :D

Hopefully I shall attain some more followers or something. Maybe someone will follow and they will rave about how amazing this blog is (note the sarcasm) but hey what ever happens, happens.