This is killing me

I want to make everything better, all the bad go away, but I don't want to speak too soon and then just screw it up even worse. If only, I could control time. I would just chuck it on pause for a while and then I have the time to think. I would have all the time I need to make sure I know what I want, and then I could end the hurt.

But no. I don't have the power time control. I'm not the Doctor. I'm not a time travelling ape. I don't own a Portal gun. I know that last one doesn't relate but I have been distracting myself with Portal and the other games found on the Orange Box and now I really want the Portal gun.

I know that it will be over soon, but soon is a long way away right not. I need soon to be now, and I am not the one who is being hurt the most. I can feel soon coming on the horizon, but the horizon is far away. I need a ship to get to the horizon.

Now.