What if?

These two words, put together, can be the most dangerous words in all of existence. They make you question everything and every action that you have done in your life. Every moment where you wish you could have done something differently, your brain says "what if?". And it is terrible. The pain of going through life thinking that everything could be so much differently than what it is at the current moment.

In my life, there are a heap of "what if" moments. They all sort of came rushing into my brain at once when a person in the car behind me, reminded me of someone. And it was horrible. There have been heaps, like what if I had worked up the confidence to talk to people when I was younger?And what if I was successful in convincing my parents to let me stay in Melbourne when they moved over?

There are other "what if" moments in my life, but these, I will not tell you, because they are going to remain as my own inner turmoil!

Love

It is a word that is thrown around by my generation. There are some people who use it with their friends, there are people who use it to random strangers on the street, there are those who use the word love when they are in a relationship with another person. Yet these are all different kinds of love, and people try to say that they are all the same.

My issue with the word, is how do you define love? Yeah there is the one where people say they all have their own definitions and other people say look in the dictionary.

When I look around there are a number of people that I know, who say that they love another person. I personally believe that some of them say it because they think that social constraints demand them to say they love another person.

It is a tricky situation at all times. All the time you see it on television, the one that first comes to mind is on The Big Bang Theory. Leonard says "I Love You" and Penny says "Thank You". Who wants to be put into that sort of a situation?

Many people despise the word, and there are other who love the word. People think it is great when someone proclaim's their love for another person and there are those who hate it when people even begin to bring up the word.

I personally don't know how I feel about the word love. It is an awkward word. It is a make or break word. Use it too soon, you're fucked. Use it too late, you're fucked. Really, for 90% of the time, if you use it, then you are fucked.

So make sure you use this word wisely!

Posting

What is the proper amount of posts per day. I mean, who has decided for all of us that we should post such an amount each day? I post roughly two posts a day and that is a lot of posting. When I take a peak at the Blogs of Note, they have a post once a day or maybe every couple of weeks. And if they are the Blogs of Note are they the standard which we are supposed to go by. I don't know and I am very confused.

Nevermind, I never really go with the norm anyway.

Because I am kool like that.

Shopping

It is quite an ordeal isn't it. Well for me it is. I mean, when I go out shopping I know what I want to get and I know how I want it. I am happy to browse but in general I go out to get what I want. But there is always one thing that gets in my way of getting what I want.

Shop assistants.

They are pure evil. They eye you as you enter the store and they watch your every movement, judging what you are looking at and waiting for the opportunity to come over and "help" you to make a purchase. Really they are wanting to be the one to sell you stuff so they get their commission and therefore they will try and "upgrade" your purchase, which at the same time upgrades the cost.

And they keep offering all this other stuff and when they do, for some reason, unknown to me, I feel bad if I don't accept it. It is like the feeling when a proper official says what is best, and you know that if you don't go with their suggestion, then you are off for the worse. I just wish that they could leave me alone and just look at all the stuff at my own pace. If I want their help then I will ask for them. I won't just look at stuff and hope that the answer shoots out at me.

My House

It annoys me! I was asked to hang out the washing so I went into the laundry to begin loading the washing from the machine into the basket. We have our dryer above the washing machine. I banged my head three times on the dryer trying to get the washing out of the machine.

Then when I came into my room to plug my power supply for laptop back in, I crawled under my desk and smacked my head into the desk.

If this keeps up, someone will die.

Stats

I had a look at my stats today, and I noticed that I actually have a couple of people who is looking at this blog. I don't know why they would be looking at this blog but they are. And I am very grateful for them looking.

It makes me feel a bit special they read this. It is probably only a one time thing, but at least people are reading this. No longer am I just talking to myself, but I am beginning to talk to some strangers on the internet who are being given a view into my life.

Right now I am watching You Don't Mess With The Zohan. It is so stupid that it is actually funny. To me at least. Most people think that it is very stupid and low class comedy with terrible racial stereotyping. Yet I will still laugh cause I have nothing better to do.

Tomorrow night I am going to my girlfriend's birthday party. Her birthday was a month ago yesterday. The party is delayed but she has it this late so that people can go and not be busy. Like me. It makes me feel very special and loved. But don't tell anyone I used the "l" word.

I will explain later.

Money

Someone give me around $65 now so I can re-new my Gold Live account and play Brotherhood online. And if you don't get the money to me in time, then I will need $88 so I can buy it. So thanks.

Hurry up though.

Blood Nose

I woke up this morning and just chilled a bit, turned on the telly to watch, I dunno, stuff. All of a sudden it feels like I am getting a runny nose. I grab a tissue to check and then I look to discover that the tissue is red. A blood nose. That is my wake up greeting.

Only recently has it dried up. It lasted a freaking half an hour. If it lasted any longer I probably would have passed out from loss of blood.

I hate my nose.

Dramamamamamamama

When ever I speak about my drama work, I tend to ad more "am". It has only happened lately, but I believe that it helps to show how creative and unusual I am. Actually I made a folder on my hotmail account for my drama work and kept typing the "a" and "m" keys. It is because I am amazing like that.

I am working on a play called "Hold Upon My Heart". I play a 17 year old boy who is going after a 31 year old woman. It is a lot of fun, but can also be quite intense sometimes. I really need to work on getting into character, and separating it from me. It can be really hard for me because I am only starting out as an actor and while there are some my age who can do this, I struggle. I am still developing this skill where as other skills I believe are furthermore developed and stronger.

I really do enjoy drama because it gives me the opportunity to experience new things and perform new and interesting characters. It is truly enjoyable. I am currently rehearsing a monologue from the play Rosencrantz and Guilderstern are Dead, which is based upon Hamlet. It is for an audition with ECU for a course I applied for. Drama and Secondary Education. It should be alright.

I'm keen because I like the monologue.

Mobile Phones

They are quite annoying, aren't they. Society deems that we must have a mobile phone, that we must have the latest mobile phone that can do the most amazing of things. If you don't well then you are just out of it completely and are not kool enough to keep up with the rest of the world. If you don't have a mobile phone, then you are out of the loop and you are deemed to be unsocial.

Then there are those unlucky one who have a mobile phone, like me. These phones make communication so easy and accessible that you get addicted to it. And it is this addiction that leads to a loss of money, time and effort.

But the worse of all, is that when you have a mobile on you, people are able to call you. I hate phone calls. It is extremely awkward. They can call you at any time, and you could be doing anything. You might even be trying to get out of the house. And then, what are they doing? They could be doing anything themselves on the other side of the phone. As the great Jeff Murdock from Coupling has once said "There could be old people naked"

It is rather embarrassing to be placed in the middle of someone else house or where ever they are. It can be quite daunting, especially for someone like me. I am a background man, I like to stay hidden from the attention of the world. So hence, I hate phone calls.

They just don't sit right with me.